Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
