I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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