At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
