Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
