Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
