my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
