your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
