Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
