She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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