my phone needs a breathalizer
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
