roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
