I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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