I'm really into asian looking animals
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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