Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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