We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We have started to decorate penises.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
