I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
