we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
