We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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