The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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