so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
