This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
