Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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