So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize
