i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
