Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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