Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
