dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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