I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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