No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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