Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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