you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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