no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
