I cockslap morals
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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