my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
