I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
