I've blown a few things in my day
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
