This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
