I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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