I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
