Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
