Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Be still, my beating vagina.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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