i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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