thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
