I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
A bitchslap is in order.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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