respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
