oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
