Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
