she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
