I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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