Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
